The celebration of the arrival of Friday isn’t the same when I am on vacation. Then it means that the vacation that my husband and I counted down the days since our last vacation is coming to an end. Only one day remains to enjoy the EPCOT Flower and Garden Festival, to eat at our favorite restaurants, to experience the magic of the Magic Kingdom, to go behind the scenes at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, to relax in our villa.

Usually, by the end of vacation, I am ready to go home, no matter how wonderful, fun, and relaxing it is. I look forward to being back in our house, in our own bed, ready to start counting the days until the next vacation. This time, however, I am returning to an uncertain future. If I stay with my company and move to Indiana, will this be the last time I return from vacation to the house I love so much? At the Flower and Garden Festival, I found many ideas for our yard. But where will that yard be? I didn’t buy Tinker Bell stepping stones because I didn’t know where they would be used. In fact, I weighed the fact that I might move into all my purchasing decisions. I saved some money, but that didn’t outweigh the sadness of each decision.

Does this sadness I’ve been feeling mean that deep inside I have made my decision, that I don’t want to move, even if it means losing $40,000 and not receiving any severance. It may mean that I’m just being overly sentimental. I can’t be sure. But I know that when I return home, that wonderful word, I will have to decide. But whatever the decision is, I know who will share that home with me.

Seven years ago my husband Carey and I bought my childhood home. We peeled off all the hideous wallpaper and ugly paint, we painted all the rooms in Disney colors. We had the hardwood floors refinished and carpeted some of the rooms and the halls and stairs. We planted magnolia trees and rose bushes. We completely remodeled the kitchen with gorgeous custom cabinets and a lovely tile floor. We filled our seventeen floor to ceiling bookshelves with books, actually overfilled them. Our mortgage is halfway paid off in spite of the fact that our house is worth over $100,000 less than when we bought it.

And this week I learned that the only way I can keep a job with my company is to move to Indianapolis. And they want me to move in two to three months. If I don’t transfer I lose all the company matches to my 401(k) and my bonus for this year. And have to start the job search once again.

When I was younger, I probably would have given notice to my landlord and moved. I’ve done it many times, from Pennsylvania, to LA, back to Pennsylvania, to Boston, to Austin, and back to New Jersey. From my frequent trips to the company headquarters in Indianapolis I have grown to love Indiana, but do I want to start over again there? I have a husband, a special house, I can’t just move on a whim as I could do in the past.

Decisions aren’t as easy now that I’m older in spite of taking two classes in decision theory in business school. It’s no longer as simple as making a pro and con list and seeing which list is longer. It’s a decision that is tearing at my soul. The only outcome I want is for things to go on as they are and that is not one of the options.